It May Look Like It's Just A Garden But It's So Much More

Our backyard garden

Who knew that planting a garden could help save your life? Just the fact alone that I spend more time outdoors than I have in years is a big change and a healthy one. It is helping me move more. While pulling in the hose last night I could feel muscles in my arms moving. It may not sound like much, but to me it felt great. 

The reward of walking out in the morning to find a new eggplant or several new beans that weren't there yesterday is a great one. The garden is not yielding a lot yet - I really have no idea what I'm doing-  but there is a mound of fresh tomatoes in the kitchen. I had forgotten how amazing fresh tomatoes taste. Grocery store tomatoes are a waste of space in comparison. 

The biggest reward is that by savoring the freshness I am beginning to look at food as life-giving, instead of addiction soothing. My husband said something a month or so ago that stuck with me. He said that when he was growing up the purpose of meals was to fill you up, not bring you health. That really "threw me for a loop." I realized that was what I was doing. Eating to satisfy cravings. We were vegetarian, but I was eating junk with lots of sugar and empty calories. 

Now, a switch has been thrown. Last night I was craving junk - sweets, Cheezits, anything. But, then I realized I wanted to give my body health, life. I pulled some blueberries out of the refrigerator and ate a handful. What?! They were incredible. So sweet. So clean. It feels like I am eating clean food. I was completely satisfied and felt renewed. 

So, it is Day Five of our 28-day vegan experiment. I am beginning to crave healthy foods. I am feeling significantly less bloated. Oh, and did I mention I have lost five pounds? I haven't been trying to lose weight really, but by focusing on eating for my cells, for my life, a big side effect is that I am losing weight. 

And, here I thought this would be painful.

Goodies from our backyard

Look What She Can Do

Still from a very inspiring video from Cody

Eating vegan - Check
Working out - Check
Drinking a lot of water - Check
Stretching - Check
Doing yoga - OK, I'll start that tomorrow or Thursday. I promise.

Still 61.

Things are going well here and videos like this one from the Cody website are inspiring to me. My husband and I have started a 28-day vegan experiment. It's not really much of a stretch for us, except that I am craving things like cheese and Tostitos - you know, the healthy stuff. I look at this woman in this video and listen to what she says and I wonder, can I get better, too? I have somehow turned off a switch in my brain that says "I can't..." I'm trying to savor it instead of panicking that somebody will switch the darn thing back on again.

I want to share things that I find are working for me so maybe they'll work for somebody else, too. Here's a secret, I've got to lose around 70 pounds or so. I've already lost 20, but you'd never know it. Ha! Oh, well. It'll be a great story when I get there. 

The thing is I'm not on a "diet". I am suddenly - I mean really, this happened Sunday or Monday in an instant - looking at food as life-giving. I'm excited about eating vibrant plant-based foods. I had a Tostitos the other night - it must have been Sunday after we watched Forks Over Knives - and it felt heavy, oily and dead. Ick. I want to lengthen those telomeres on my DNA. I want to dance and my grandchildren's weddings. 

Check out the short video. It's nice. 

My Inner Julia Child is Just Going to Have to Get Over It

  

The refrigerator before the clean out.

No whining. 

Day One of a 28 day vegan experiment. 

Age: 61

Weight: yeah, right. I'm not sharing everything.

Things I want to get better/change/eliminate:

- Arthritis pain

- Non-existant stamina

- Muscle aches (and constant ligament inflamation)

- Too much time sitting, and sitting is very uncomfortable to me all of a sudden

- Brain fog - sure I've got major ADD and have had it all my life, but I have SO much I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm just getting started and need to get more done each day

- Too many meds. I take at least 6 types a day. All of them can be eliminated except for the thyroid meds. Five of the six are prescribed. The sixth is Advil.

- Sugar addiction. For God's sake, even my vitamins are gummies! 

- Cheese addiction

- Lousy sleep patterns (partially canine-induced)

- Shrinking - I've already lost almost an inch

- Hard time getting up out of low chairs

- No muscle tone

- My grandson called me fat this weekend - he's right

- Difficulty walking

- Some difficulties with balance (possible Miniare's Disease)

- Frequent ear infections

- Growing inertia

I know this sounds like whining, but it's not. It's just a matter of fact listing of what I want to be different.

We watched Forks Over Knives last night. So inspiring. Al is in, too. 

I cleaned out the refrigerator this morning after coming home from the YMCA. My inner Julia Child freaked out at throwing away the butter. Breathe. 

One day at a time.

The refrigerator after clean out. 

Before the Leap

My taste in everything is changing.

Tuesday night

I is quite possible that we will be moving. The reality of it hit me Sunday and I wasn't prepared.

Sunday was the morning we woke up to learn about the horrific killings in the nightclub in Orlando. I  couldn't feel it at first. It was almost as if I refused to feel it. Not again. All is lost. The center cannot hold. And, then I felt it.

The possibility of moving hit shortly thereafter and I lost my bearings. Swirling around and around and down the drain. All is lost. I don't know how to do anything and I'm too old to find a job.

Monday was not much better. Nor today. But, today there are glimmers. Turn this on its ear. Make life an adventure. F@#* the fear and have fun with this. At 61 you can redefine yourself if you want. I've been feeling the ground shift beneath my feet. My whole idea of what I think is beautiful is changing. We could get a tiny little cottage and if we do it right have a little bit of money left over to make it awesome. I could be bold! I could be adventurous. Living in staid old Buckhead is not me. It never has been so what am I doing back here? Be gone! Take only those things that I love.

Do I want a tattoo? No. Zero interest.
Do I want to pierce anything. Nope. Not me.
I want to have a less cluttered home. Whoa. That's new.
I want to get rid of a lot of the paintings I have. New.
I HATE those stupid blue glass plates in the kitchen. Gone!
I hate being uncomfortable in my body. You know what to do. So shut up and do it.
My taste in furniture is changing dramatically. I'm drawn to more modern lines.
And, ancient, too. Together.

What do I really, really like/feel/believe/want/long for? What do I want to do with these precious days I have left on this Earth?

Honestly? I want to figure out what I have to give. I want to give what I can that is real and true. Graduate school baffled me because I couldn't comprehend that there wasn't a right answer I was trying to get to. There was only what I thought and I didn't know how to do that. Trying to please is over.

Aha! The dread is gone. Cleansing. Purifying. Cleaning. Clearing. Opening the windows and letting the cool breezes flow through. I love breezes. A cool breeze is one of my favorite things in the world.

See! There is something to hold on to. In our new home, I will be able to feel the breezes through windows that open to let in the Spring or Autumn air. Beautiful windows.

It's a start.

WWHMD?

What would Dame Helen Mirren do when facing a slump?

What To Do When You Are Bored With Yourself

I remember my Mom saying, "When you find you are bored with yourself, you can be pretty certain you have been boring everybody else for a long, long time."

Ah.

Here's a re-write of a well-known quote... wait. I forgot what I was going to say. Darn it. That is happening more and more these days.

I am entering my third act and I am not feeling like myself at the moment.

Third act. Rewrite. Edit. What to keep (truth, beauty, honesty, love, acceptance, kindness, joy)? What to discard (lies, resentment, fear, exhaustion, anger)? Final act? No, no. No fear, remember?