The number of days of my life that have started with, "Today I begin again. I will transform everything about me. Starting right now. After this cup of coffee. Honey, did you see what she wrote on Facebook?! I'm starving" are too numerous to count.
Isn't she the sweetest thing? (That's Southern for "Oh, you poor girl.")
I was going to do it again right now. That's why I pulled up this old blog. I am going to write about radically transforming my life starting right NOW. I am sitting in my studio with my feet propped up. There is a cool Spring breeze blowing in the front door and out the open back door. The back door looks out at a beautiful jungle of green trees, vines, birds. The breeze is all the more sweet because in two days the weatherman says the Georgia summer will hit us. This year I will try to love the hot, sweaty, sweltering heat. Somehow.
Anyway, my feet are propped up in front of a mountain of papers, books, printed reports that I just HAD to read, but didn't - I mean, I haven't. But, I breathe in for a minute and look at what surrounds me and the anxiety about what a messy bad person I am starts to fade. Look at these magnificent books! There are pictures my son drew when he was a child framed and hanging on the walls. There are extraordinary drawings by his now-five-year-old son posted everywhere. Toys. There are toys in every nook and cranny that the grandkids ask for by name when they come visit. There is always something new to discover in here - for me, too. It is my little spot of heaven. Mess and all.
I'm stalling a bit. Filing, you know. But, what I wanted to say is that I am now 61. My mother died at 62. And, I am reminded of what an old friend of mine tattooed on her foot: "Dost thou love life?"
Dost I? I do. I do, I do, I do.
Just for today that is what I will focus on. Pure and simple. I love my husband, my family, my friends, my noisy untrained dog, my garden. I love my work (which is literally play). I'd like to lose 80 more pounds. I'd like to speak French. I'd like to do yoga everyday and not hurt anymore. But, today I am simply going to love.
Tomorrow, somebody remind me that I figured it all out today, okay. 'Cause I'll forget.
