Shut Up and Do It

"Leap and the net will appear." Let the leaping proceed.

A Stunning Bridge for Walking, Biking and Admiring

Santiago Calatrava's stunning Peace Bridge in Calgary, Alberta, Canada

One of the most surprising things that I discovered in Calgary this past week is the pedestrian bridge spanning the Bow River. It was opened in 2012 to accommodate the growing number of people walking and biking to work along the many pathways in the city. Designed by Spanish architect Santiago Calatrava the "Peace Bridge" seems quite inviting, in fact, when I go back to Calgary next year I'm going to make a point of having some non-work time so I can walk across it a time or two. Before then I hope to find an article explaining where the name came from. I've looked, but only briefly, and haven't found the answer. 

There were apparently some issues in getting it opened (faulty welds and a few things like that), but I love it. I also love when cities go the extra mile and make something special. It made a huge difference in what I felt about the city.

ADDED: I just walked away and then thought, "Why did I post about a bridge in a blog about aging, growth, etc.?" Then it occurred to me. I haven't been able to walk much since my 2015 year of surgeries, and I WANT to! I want to be one of those people who walks the Beltline in Atlanta every day. I want to be one of those people who rides a bike in Calgary (on the flat part). And, I will be. We went to the YMCA for a big work out this morning, AND I rode the bike in the basement an hour ago. I rode it for 10 minutes, but when you're coming from ground zero, that's not bad for a second "work out" of the day. One day at a time. It would be so cool to go back to Calgary a year from now for our International Play Association world conference and be in a place where biking and even hiking in Banff is no big deal. Today I inched a little closer to that reality.

Banff and My Bottom Line

Me on my first zip line ride somewhere in Canada near Banff.

I have been working out on the weight machines at the YMCA for eight years. There have been countless times of having to start from scratch because of a surgery, illness, travel, or, well, laziness. But, imagine if I didn't have those eight years behind me!

From my heaviest point I'm down about 20 - 22 pounds, but I have been stuck at this point for something like six months. Still sluggish, way overweight, tired ALL of the time, etc., etc.

Last night I got back from a week at a board meeting in Calgary Canada. Two of the other members have both lost a good deal of weight. One of them rides his bike all the time. He just can't get over the difference in his level of stamina. That sounds so good to me. We spent a day in Banff and I couldn't stop thinking about all the people who go there to hike and how I couldn't hike if I tried. At least I did something new...I rode a zip line. Gravity did all of the work, but still I pushed myself into my discomfort zone.

So, I've lost 20 pounds and kept it off. I love working out at the Y. I've started riding the bike downstairs again... a little. And, I'm reading an article in Time Magazine about the incredible power of exercise.

Tomorrow is a new day.

It May Look Like It's Just A Garden But It's So Much More

Our backyard garden

Who knew that planting a garden could help save your life? Just the fact alone that I spend more time outdoors than I have in years is a big change and a healthy one. It is helping me move more. While pulling in the hose last night I could feel muscles in my arms moving. It may not sound like much, but to me it felt great. 

The reward of walking out in the morning to find a new eggplant or several new beans that weren't there yesterday is a great one. The garden is not yielding a lot yet - I really have no idea what I'm doing-  but there is a mound of fresh tomatoes in the kitchen. I had forgotten how amazing fresh tomatoes taste. Grocery store tomatoes are a waste of space in comparison. 

The biggest reward is that by savoring the freshness I am beginning to look at food as life-giving, instead of addiction soothing. My husband said something a month or so ago that stuck with me. He said that when he was growing up the purpose of meals was to fill you up, not bring you health. That really "threw me for a loop." I realized that was what I was doing. Eating to satisfy cravings. We were vegetarian, but I was eating junk with lots of sugar and empty calories. 

Now, a switch has been thrown. Last night I was craving junk - sweets, Cheezits, anything. But, then I realized I wanted to give my body health, life. I pulled some blueberries out of the refrigerator and ate a handful. What?! They were incredible. So sweet. So clean. It feels like I am eating clean food. I was completely satisfied and felt renewed. 

So, it is Day Five of our 28-day vegan experiment. I am beginning to crave healthy foods. I am feeling significantly less bloated. Oh, and did I mention I have lost five pounds? I haven't been trying to lose weight really, but by focusing on eating for my cells, for my life, a big side effect is that I am losing weight. 

And, here I thought this would be painful.

Goodies from our backyard

Look What She Can Do

Still from a very inspiring video from Cody

Eating vegan - Check
Working out - Check
Drinking a lot of water - Check
Stretching - Check
Doing yoga - OK, I'll start that tomorrow or Thursday. I promise.

Still 61.

Things are going well here and videos like this one from the Cody website are inspiring to me. My husband and I have started a 28-day vegan experiment. It's not really much of a stretch for us, except that I am craving things like cheese and Tostitos - you know, the healthy stuff. I look at this woman in this video and listen to what she says and I wonder, can I get better, too? I have somehow turned off a switch in my brain that says "I can't..." I'm trying to savor it instead of panicking that somebody will switch the darn thing back on again.

I want to share things that I find are working for me so maybe they'll work for somebody else, too. Here's a secret, I've got to lose around 70 pounds or so. I've already lost 20, but you'd never know it. Ha! Oh, well. It'll be a great story when I get there. 

The thing is I'm not on a "diet". I am suddenly - I mean really, this happened Sunday or Monday in an instant - looking at food as life-giving. I'm excited about eating vibrant plant-based foods. I had a Tostitos the other night - it must have been Sunday after we watched Forks Over Knives - and it felt heavy, oily and dead. Ick. I want to lengthen those telomeres on my DNA. I want to dance and my grandchildren's weddings. 

Check out the short video. It's nice. 

My Inner Julia Child is Just Going to Have to Get Over It

  

The refrigerator before the clean out.

No whining. 

Day One of a 28 day vegan experiment. 

Age: 61

Weight: yeah, right. I'm not sharing everything.

Things I want to get better/change/eliminate:

- Arthritis pain

- Non-existant stamina

- Muscle aches (and constant ligament inflamation)

- Too much time sitting, and sitting is very uncomfortable to me all of a sudden

- Brain fog - sure I've got major ADD and have had it all my life, but I have SO much I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm just getting started and need to get more done each day

- Too many meds. I take at least 6 types a day. All of them can be eliminated except for the thyroid meds. Five of the six are prescribed. The sixth is Advil.

- Sugar addiction. For God's sake, even my vitamins are gummies! 

- Cheese addiction

- Lousy sleep patterns (partially canine-induced)

- Shrinking - I've already lost almost an inch

- Hard time getting up out of low chairs

- No muscle tone

- My grandson called me fat this weekend - he's right

- Difficulty walking

- Some difficulties with balance (possible Miniare's Disease)

- Frequent ear infections

- Growing inertia

I know this sounds like whining, but it's not. It's just a matter of fact listing of what I want to be different.

We watched Forks Over Knives last night. So inspiring. Al is in, too. 

I cleaned out the refrigerator this morning after coming home from the YMCA. My inner Julia Child freaked out at throwing away the butter. Breathe. 

One day at a time.

The refrigerator after clean out. 

Before the Leap

My taste in everything is changing.

Tuesday night

I is quite possible that we will be moving. The reality of it hit me Sunday and I wasn't prepared.

Sunday was the morning we woke up to learn about the horrific killings in the nightclub in Orlando. I  couldn't feel it at first. It was almost as if I refused to feel it. Not again. All is lost. The center cannot hold. And, then I felt it.

The possibility of moving hit shortly thereafter and I lost my bearings. Swirling around and around and down the drain. All is lost. I don't know how to do anything and I'm too old to find a job.

Monday was not much better. Nor today. But, today there are glimmers. Turn this on its ear. Make life an adventure. F@#* the fear and have fun with this. At 61 you can redefine yourself if you want. I've been feeling the ground shift beneath my feet. My whole idea of what I think is beautiful is changing. We could get a tiny little cottage and if we do it right have a little bit of money left over to make it awesome. I could be bold! I could be adventurous. Living in staid old Buckhead is not me. It never has been so what am I doing back here? Be gone! Take only those things that I love.

Do I want a tattoo? No. Zero interest.
Do I want to pierce anything. Nope. Not me.
I want to have a less cluttered home. Whoa. That's new.
I want to get rid of a lot of the paintings I have. New.
I HATE those stupid blue glass plates in the kitchen. Gone!
I hate being uncomfortable in my body. You know what to do. So shut up and do it.
My taste in furniture is changing dramatically. I'm drawn to more modern lines.
And, ancient, too. Together.

What do I really, really like/feel/believe/want/long for? What do I want to do with these precious days I have left on this Earth?

Honestly? I want to figure out what I have to give. I want to give what I can that is real and true. Graduate school baffled me because I couldn't comprehend that there wasn't a right answer I was trying to get to. There was only what I thought and I didn't know how to do that. Trying to please is over.

Aha! The dread is gone. Cleansing. Purifying. Cleaning. Clearing. Opening the windows and letting the cool breezes flow through. I love breezes. A cool breeze is one of my favorite things in the world.

See! There is something to hold on to. In our new home, I will be able to feel the breezes through windows that open to let in the Spring or Autumn air. Beautiful windows.

It's a start.

WWHMD?

What would Dame Helen Mirren do when facing a slump?

What To Do When You Are Bored With Yourself

I remember my Mom saying, "When you find you are bored with yourself, you can be pretty certain you have been boring everybody else for a long, long time."

Ah.

Here's a re-write of a well-known quote... wait. I forgot what I was going to say. Darn it. That is happening more and more these days.

I am entering my third act and I am not feeling like myself at the moment.

Third act. Rewrite. Edit. What to keep (truth, beauty, honesty, love, acceptance, kindness, joy)? What to discard (lies, resentment, fear, exhaustion, anger)? Final act? No, no. No fear, remember?

Cyngen Begin Ahgen

The number of days of my life that have started with, "Today I begin again. I will transform everything about me. Starting right now. After this cup of coffee. Honey, did you see what she wrote on Facebook?! I'm starving" are too numerous to count.

Isn't she the sweetest thing? (That's Southern for "Oh, you poor girl.")

I was going to do it again right now. That's why I pulled up this old blog. I am going to write about radically transforming my life starting right NOW. I am sitting in my studio with my feet propped up. There is a cool Spring breeze blowing in the front door and out the open back door. The back door looks out at a beautiful jungle of green trees, vines, birds. The breeze is all the more sweet because in two days the weatherman says the Georgia summer will hit us. This year I will try to love the hot, sweaty, sweltering heat. Somehow.

Anyway, my feet are propped up in front of a mountain of papers, books, printed reports that I just HAD to read, but didn't - I mean, I haven't. But, I breathe in for a minute and look at what surrounds me and the anxiety about what a messy bad person I am starts to fade. Look at these magnificent books! There are pictures my son drew when he was a child framed and hanging on the walls. There are extraordinary drawings by his now-five-year-old son posted everywhere. Toys. There are toys in every nook and cranny that the grandkids ask for by name when they come visit. There is always something new to discover in here - for me, too. It is my little spot of heaven. Mess and all.

I'm stalling a bit. Filing, you know. But, what I wanted to say is that I am now 61. My mother died at 62. And, I am reminded of what an old friend of mine tattooed on her foot: "Dost thou love life?"

Dost I? I do. I do, I do, I do.

Just for today that is what I will focus on. Pure and simple. I love my husband, my family, my friends, my noisy untrained dog, my garden. I love my work (which is literally play). I'd like to lose 80 more pounds. I'd like to speak French. I'd like to do yoga everyday and not hurt anymore. But, today I am simply going to love.

Tomorrow, somebody remind me that I figured it all out today, okay. 'Cause I'll forget.