Morning Pages vs. Blog Posts

Again: "If not now, then when?"

I'm not sure why I feel compelled to do this "transformation" online and in the open instead of in a notebook collecting dust beside the bed. It's so narcissistic. But, here's what goes through my head about that: Being totally honest, I want to the blog to hold me to my task, help me focus on it daily, make me successful beyond my wildest dreams, and help inspire so many people to take control of their health themselves that I am forced out of hiding and burst before the world like the Chip and Joanna Gaines (from the Fixer Upper show) of aging women getting better, healthier and stronger as they age.

I think that's it. It feels pretty disgusting for this to be all me all the time without sharing what I'm learning. For example, yesterday I went to a new Physical Therapist for the first time. I had sinus surgery a few months ago and the CT for that also found deterioration (arthritis) in my neck discs. That could explain the headaches I've had for so long that I am not even conscious of them any more. 

Physical therapy blows my mind. These people know things about our bodies ....IMPORTANT things... that I've never even heard of. Like the psosas muscle. It is the only muscle that holds the top of our body to our legs. With all the sitting we tend to do these days the psoas muscles get very tight. If you're like me, you're always "throwing out" the small of your back. I can feel a pop and I know I am about to go into weeks of stiffness and pain. A few years ago it happened big time and I was sent to PT. They had me stretching the front of my hips. I thought they were crazy until I realized how much it helped. Who knew, right? Maybe if you are an athlete you know this, but if you have trouble even spelling athlete and your computer always tries to correct you when you type "psoas" then this is a jewel to learn about. 

So, today is just a mind dump as I try to find a form/format/plan/goal for this blog. Usually I try to find perfection before I ever start anything...which is why I have way more ideas than I have things to show for them. Whatever. That was then. Today is today. If I'm lucky, no one will find this blog until I have figured something out. I do know I write too much. Bye for now. Time to do my daily (yes, daily) physical therapy for my hurting neck, and I'll throw in some psoas stretches too since the small of my back is in really bad shape, as is my old meniscus tear in my knee, and my old rotator cuff injury in my right shoulder. Yes, I'm a physical mess for now. One day at a time, one step (or stretch) at a time I hope to be better than ever. Maybe if I made a chart it would help me stick to it... 

I Forgot I Was Doing This Already

If not now, then when?

Oops. 

I wrote the following post for a brand new blog called Making Cool Stuff Happen. Then, I realized I had already done it here. Aging is not without its challenges and embarrassments. I'm kind of bummed, because I realized that this "new" idea (of blog-induced change) is not a miracle pill. But, maybe if I actually stick to it I'll make progress. 

In a nutshell, my priorities are:

- lose 80 - 100 pounds

- figure out how to get physically strong without hurting myself (I swear every single person should go to a Physical Therapist. They know things that it is criminal for everyone not to know!)

- have more impact with my work

- lose these feelings of inadequacy 

....you know, basic stuff.

AND, post stuff that I think is really cool that I want to share.

Today's post before I realized I had been here before: 

Making Cool Stuff Happen – Day One

August 12, 2018  Sunday  1:46PM

Did you ever think that you could really do something cool with your life? Do you want to? I sure did…do. But, at 63 years of age I wonder if it is too late. 

This blog is just about one woman trying to break life-long patterns and habits and then saving the world. OK, maybe just having a good life and doing some good would be enough, although this world sure does need saving. 

For years I have wanted to do something like this blog, but either I can’t think of a URL that isn’t taken, or I can’t think of a “hook” to make it interesting, or (most often) I forget and go on to the next thing. Really good excuses, right? 

Today, I’m just starting. I’ll use a URL that I already own. I have no hook or plan. I just want to write. I have some health issues that left alone will probably have me used as tree fertilizer in 10 years. And, I want to be around for some great grandchildren so I really, really want 30 more years. But, I don’t want 30 more years of how I feel physically today. 

So, I guess you could say that this is a shut the f#$% up and do something about it blog. Written by me for me… to hold myself accountable. To quit living in potential and prune it down to actions I can accomplish. Note that there will be ramblings, bad grammar, and awful punctuation. I blame Twitter. 

Oh, and remember, “Try? There is not try. Do or do not.” – Yoda  

Shut Up and Do It

"Leap and the net will appear." Let the leaping proceed.

A Stunning Bridge for Walking, Biking and Admiring

Santiago Calatrava's stunning Peace Bridge in Calgary, Alberta, Canada

One of the most surprising things that I discovered in Calgary this past week is the pedestrian bridge spanning the Bow River. It was opened in 2012 to accommodate the growing number of people walking and biking to work along the many pathways in the city. Designed by Spanish architect Santiago Calatrava the "Peace Bridge" seems quite inviting, in fact, when I go back to Calgary next year I'm going to make a point of having some non-work time so I can walk across it a time or two. Before then I hope to find an article explaining where the name came from. I've looked, but only briefly, and haven't found the answer. 

There were apparently some issues in getting it opened (faulty welds and a few things like that), but I love it. I also love when cities go the extra mile and make something special. It made a huge difference in what I felt about the city.

ADDED: I just walked away and then thought, "Why did I post about a bridge in a blog about aging, growth, etc.?" Then it occurred to me. I haven't been able to walk much since my 2015 year of surgeries, and I WANT to! I want to be one of those people who walks the Beltline in Atlanta every day. I want to be one of those people who rides a bike in Calgary (on the flat part). And, I will be. We went to the YMCA for a big work out this morning, AND I rode the bike in the basement an hour ago. I rode it for 10 minutes, but when you're coming from ground zero, that's not bad for a second "work out" of the day. One day at a time. It would be so cool to go back to Calgary a year from now for our International Play Association world conference and be in a place where biking and even hiking in Banff is no big deal. Today I inched a little closer to that reality.

Banff and My Bottom Line

Me on my first zip line ride somewhere in Canada near Banff.

I have been working out on the weight machines at the YMCA for eight years. There have been countless times of having to start from scratch because of a surgery, illness, travel, or, well, laziness. But, imagine if I didn't have those eight years behind me!

From my heaviest point I'm down about 20 - 22 pounds, but I have been stuck at this point for something like six months. Still sluggish, way overweight, tired ALL of the time, etc., etc.

Last night I got back from a week at a board meeting in Calgary Canada. Two of the other members have both lost a good deal of weight. One of them rides his bike all the time. He just can't get over the difference in his level of stamina. That sounds so good to me. We spent a day in Banff and I couldn't stop thinking about all the people who go there to hike and how I couldn't hike if I tried. At least I did something new...I rode a zip line. Gravity did all of the work, but still I pushed myself into my discomfort zone.

So, I've lost 20 pounds and kept it off. I love working out at the Y. I've started riding the bike downstairs again... a little. And, I'm reading an article in Time Magazine about the incredible power of exercise.

Tomorrow is a new day.

It May Look Like It's Just A Garden But It's So Much More

Our backyard garden

Who knew that planting a garden could help save your life? Just the fact alone that I spend more time outdoors than I have in years is a big change and a healthy one. It is helping me move more. While pulling in the hose last night I could feel muscles in my arms moving. It may not sound like much, but to me it felt great. 

The reward of walking out in the morning to find a new eggplant or several new beans that weren't there yesterday is a great one. The garden is not yielding a lot yet - I really have no idea what I'm doing-  but there is a mound of fresh tomatoes in the kitchen. I had forgotten how amazing fresh tomatoes taste. Grocery store tomatoes are a waste of space in comparison. 

The biggest reward is that by savoring the freshness I am beginning to look at food as life-giving, instead of addiction soothing. My husband said something a month or so ago that stuck with me. He said that when he was growing up the purpose of meals was to fill you up, not bring you health. That really "threw me for a loop." I realized that was what I was doing. Eating to satisfy cravings. We were vegetarian, but I was eating junk with lots of sugar and empty calories. 

Now, a switch has been thrown. Last night I was craving junk - sweets, Cheezits, anything. But, then I realized I wanted to give my body health, life. I pulled some blueberries out of the refrigerator and ate a handful. What?! They were incredible. So sweet. So clean. It feels like I am eating clean food. I was completely satisfied and felt renewed. 

So, it is Day Five of our 28-day vegan experiment. I am beginning to crave healthy foods. I am feeling significantly less bloated. Oh, and did I mention I have lost five pounds? I haven't been trying to lose weight really, but by focusing on eating for my cells, for my life, a big side effect is that I am losing weight. 

And, here I thought this would be painful.

Goodies from our backyard

Look What She Can Do

Still from a very inspiring video from Cody

Eating vegan - Check
Working out - Check
Drinking a lot of water - Check
Stretching - Check
Doing yoga - OK, I'll start that tomorrow or Thursday. I promise.

Still 61.

Things are going well here and videos like this one from the Cody website are inspiring to me. My husband and I have started a 28-day vegan experiment. It's not really much of a stretch for us, except that I am craving things like cheese and Tostitos - you know, the healthy stuff. I look at this woman in this video and listen to what she says and I wonder, can I get better, too? I have somehow turned off a switch in my brain that says "I can't..." I'm trying to savor it instead of panicking that somebody will switch the darn thing back on again.

I want to share things that I find are working for me so maybe they'll work for somebody else, too. Here's a secret, I've got to lose around 70 pounds or so. I've already lost 20, but you'd never know it. Ha! Oh, well. It'll be a great story when I get there. 

The thing is I'm not on a "diet". I am suddenly - I mean really, this happened Sunday or Monday in an instant - looking at food as life-giving. I'm excited about eating vibrant plant-based foods. I had a Tostitos the other night - it must have been Sunday after we watched Forks Over Knives - and it felt heavy, oily and dead. Ick. I want to lengthen those telomeres on my DNA. I want to dance and my grandchildren's weddings. 

Check out the short video. It's nice.