Now They Tell Me

Last week's cover of The New York Times Magazine

The bright red-orange magazine cover has taunted me for days. The quote upon it, "One life is too short for doing everything." is from the influential Italian designer/architect Massimo Vignelli, who, incidentally, died this past year. One life is too short. No kidding. 

Living in a state of potential is a delectable place. Everything is possible. There are no limits. There is time. But, it is a place for the young because one day you wake up and living in a state of potential suddenly means you are wasting time. You are living in fear. You are delusional. It is time to grow up. It is time to close the door on countless dreams. 'what if's', and 'maybe I'll's'. 

Saying "no" to countless possibilities used to be thought of as a bad thing. But, as the quote implies, you must, because you don't have time to do it all. And, if you're like me, maybe all those thousands of ideas are intended to give the illusion of accomplishment and focus when really they are a dramatic avoidance technique...avoiding life, avoiding risk, avoiding (oh, dear God) failure. You can't fail if you don't try. 

As the calendar pages fall away and a very few sheets remain between me and my 60th birthday, I enter this glorious new year full of vim and vinegar...I'm working on the vigor. I am all too aware of the limited time left - my mother died at 62, my father at 64, my brother at 36, my sister at 3, my stepdaughter at 16. See my point? Every day is a gift and I'm not wasting any more. I'm determined to leave this world a tiny bit better than the way I found it, and I have brushed away the fantasies and built a solid plan for what I am going to do, and I hope to God  I have enough time to do it. I'm a grandmother for goodness sake. My youngest grandchild turned two yesterday. Two! Do you know how long we have to not f#$% up this planet for things to be ok for him?! And what if he has children? I have got to help clean up a few of the messes we've made.

2015. I want to accomplish great things. Things that make a difference. I'm working on my road map and I'm going to give it everything I've got, but remember when I said I didn't have vigor? Getting my health back and getting in shape has to be a very big deal for me now or I will not be able to get things done. So, I've got many a goal. Remember that great line from Pretty Woman. "Do you have a goal? You gotta have a goal!" 

I wonder what you'd be interested in hearing about as this year progresses. It's not like I've got something specific like cooking one Julia Child recipe a day. Do I write about how I am working through things - like getting healthy and my work? I suppose so. Not sure exactly why I feel compelled to blog about it other than I know I have learned how to live by watching others struggle, fight, and overcome. It's embarrassing to say that I hope I can help others but maybe I could. It helped me to know that Julia Child didn't write her cookbook until she was in her 50s. Or that I think it was Louise Nevelson started sculpting at 60. 

Here's what I know - I wasted a lot of time (I've got some great excuses, wanna hear them?). But, I REFUSE to think that 60 is too late to start. I mean, for crying out loud, I'm just starting to figure this crazy life out so I'm not just going to quit. Ha! NO WAY. So, I'll just write. It helps me so that's something. Good night now. 

Oh, and go see the movie Selma.