10 Great Things About Being 59

Picture of a Successful Woman: Kenyan Entrepreneur Njeri Rionge

It happened. Yesterday I turned 59 (at 10:14 P.M. to be exact). As in I am currently in my 60th year of life. I mentioned in the last post that there is a good bit of choice in what happens now. It has been somewhat of a moody week. Work stuff, money stuff. So, putting my money where my mouth is, let me see if I can turn this mediocre mood around by coming up with a list of good stuff instead. And, this is 10 great things for me about being 59. You get to come up with your own.

OK, number 1. This is easy. Grandchildren.

Wait. Before I get into this I need to clear some things out. This can't just be white wash here. I have been down all week. It's hard to put a finger on what that has all been about. One of my family members has been having some trouble so that is upsetting, but I think it will hopefully work itself out. I have been feeling very tired and not keeping up a major organizing spree I was on so things are not quite as neat.

But, I need to find a powerful heart connection to my work that has been lost. There have been times in my life when the passion for my work has run so deep that nothing could stop me. It all sprang from my heart and when it does that there is no doubt, there is no fear - or at least none of the kind that can stop you from doing anything. For the longest time as much as I love my work, I have been constantly telling myself such awful things - like, I can't do it, I should be embarrassed I make so little money. I lost the reason WHY I do the work I do and that is something I simply cannot do without.

I am so afraid of suffering more loss. I thought I had it down pat, like I can handle anything that comes my way. But, then I fell in love with my husband. Then I was lucky enough to have such wonderful grandchildren. When there is so much to lose the stakes get so much higher. I stood in my husband's closet the other day touching his clothes and thinking how awful it must have been for my former sister-in-law when my little brother, her husband, died.

 My little sister died when she was three and my grandson is about to turn three. Not that I think that is any foreboding about him - not at all - but, instead, I thought about my parents and what hell they must have done through. It all makes me realize how much pain there is out in the world. It touches us all. What I don't understand is why it does not makes us kind.

Here I am. Thinking that nobody is going to want to read this, but what am I doing this for? For whom am I doing this writing? Can others relate, and if they can is this at all helpful? I have been in a women's group for a long, long time. It is one where most of us share openly and honestly. People have come in with great tragedies and great sorrows and have shared them. I have watched them work their way through things and it has inspired me and helped me know that I too can make it through life's tough challenges.

This moodiness shall pass. I will stop saying such horrible things about myself. And, when I get to that place I will be unstoppable for a while. I want to be successful. I want to not be embarrassed to be in my 60s by the time I find success. I want to be on fire. What does that look like to me? You know what I want right now more than anything? For the fog in my brain to dissipate and for me to clearly see what I want to accomplish and for whom. What do I see there? Commitment. Certainty. Passion. Determination. Confidence. Clarity. Energy. Focus. Accomplishment. Love.

Hey, wait. That's 10 things! Well, I'll be.